I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
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