shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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