You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize