The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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