I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
