imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He felt like a one man threesome
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
