She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
