Nicole vs. Life
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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