What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
