I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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