This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
this will be a night to untag.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
