If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
