I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
