so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
