Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
