Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
