remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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