I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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