OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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