Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
