I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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