Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
