woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
