Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
