That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
