Too much gin, very little bucket
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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