If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
