Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
