can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
