I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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