It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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