you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize