Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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