Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize