hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
