so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize