I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I got inside last night via doggy door
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
