i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
