My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
