I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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