MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize