i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
