How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
