I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
