Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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