Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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