this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
