when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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