I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
