Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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