either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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