I wish I only lived at night.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
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