i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
