Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
