I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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