Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
