just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
