Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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