Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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