Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
