I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
