the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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