dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
