So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
