Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
