I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
