i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
