He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
