How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
