yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
