did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
