what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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