with your own penis?
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
