I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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