left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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