Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
