Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
