Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Randomize
