There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
time to smoke my breakfast
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
