I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
This is classic penis vs brain.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize