i think i have herpe
just one?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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