yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
