cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
