allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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