need another drink. this is the easiest way
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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