I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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