Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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