I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
my being single is dangerous.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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