NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
