It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Sorry my hands just texted you
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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