I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
