No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
