Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
