at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Pants are for mortals
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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